Nathaniel Lowry (nathanlowry) wrote in nathanandclaire,
Nathaniel Lowry
nathanlowry
nathanandclaire

I miss your words...

Claire...


     I do not know where to start...
     ... I am shaking... I am cold... so cold...

     My absense from you, my beloved Claire, has had a reason. A reason that started to form just under a month ago. A reason attached to an avoidable event, alas... In the presence of a few of my neighborhood friends, headed for Stamford Bridge (London) to witness Chelsea tie against Arsenal (soccer)... we never arrived there...

     Roger... oh God, Roger...

     Roger drove. We had stopped in a little town just past Swindon, and we were headed for the motorway again. I was in the back seat just looking out the window when all of a sudden the car made a weird noise, my face hit the back of the head rest and there were sirens and people and pain and confusion... Spiraling down a vortex of faces and flashbacks and voices, nausea took ahold of me.

     They just left Roger in his car. Never took him out... not that I saw. They peeled off of him the girl that he had hit... she went straight through... the windscreen... oh, my head cannot bear to remember...

     My young life has been scarred by... by the dark side of reality. A stain has formed on my heart, and from it I bleed tears of despair and regret... This prolonged feeling of helplessness I have felt over the last couple of weeks has ripped seems from the blanket that is my soul. I try to hold on to it and keep it wrapped around me, but the burn of my scars and my severe shaking make this tough. ... I must not lose hope.

     I was released from the hospital last Thursday. In my dreams I visited you every night I spent in that somber place. You always were able to cheer me up... Now that I'm back behind my desk again, seeing my stationary and my special pen with ink that is meant for your eyes only... tears bubble up and splash from my eyes onto the paper.

     I could really use a hug right now, my Claire... I could really use your warm lips on mine, my sweet... Memories sweep me back to that bridge...

     I do not wish to be in reality right now.


Yours in life and in death,

     Nathan
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